I was thinking about the story of Charlie and the Chocolate factory the other day and never really understood what the fuck was wrong with his weak ass grandparents. I mean seriously...Grandpa Joe seemed to do just fine when he got his lazy ass out of bed so its not like he had cancer or some shit. If I was Charlie's mom I'd be fuckin pissed off that these four elderly fucks were using me for what little money I was making to support me and my paperboy son. That's another thing! Wouldn't you think those decrepit fogies would feel a slight bit of guilt for making a pre-teen (what is he, 11, 12?) go out and get a job for a measly 35 cents a day when they are clearly capable of getting out of bed once in a while to make some scrilla themselves?? What the FUCK! Maybe they put grandma Josephine to work knitting some scarves and selling them on ebay or something. Or maybe Grandpa George could kick his tobacco habit and start saving a little bit...they live in a shack for christ sake! And where is Charlie's dad?? Did he realize these four rank ass oldies were using he and his family so he decided to bail out before the shit really hit the fan? I can't say I blame him for that. Maybe I'll write a spin-off about Mr. Bucket and do sort of a prequel thing where he leaves the family to fend for themselves after he realizes his job as a chimney sweep isnt nearly financially stabilizing to support such a large family. Then maybe he comes back when he hears Charlie has inherited the chocolate factory and demands half. Or MAYBE its all a plan to doop Wonka into giving up his factory and Charlie's real dad is actually Sluggworth. Anyway, its halloween and I'm dressing up as Bernie Lomax. PEACE.

Date:	2008-08-26 12:24
Subject:	RIP
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad

April 1, 1964 – August 25, 2008

Yesterday I thought about growing a rat tail and bleaching it blonde.

http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shovel

I'm hungry for more information on shovels...anyone know where I can fulfill this desire?

I'm thinking about finding short entries in wikipedia like this one and posting lots of false information to see how long it takes for someone to take it down/question my entry.

******UPDATE******

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shovel

I must not have realized I was looking at simple wikipedia as I have found much more information on regarding shovels! THANK GOODNESS!

I had an interesting dream last night.
I was riding in a car with BJ and Keith, the sun was setting on the horizon as we crossed over a bridge in a very unfamiliar location.
"Hey, there's a spot!" BJ excitedly called out from the back seat.
Keith parallel parked his Golf and the three of us got out and walked back across the very bridge we had just driven over.
I glanced to my left and right, each of my closest friends by my side. We were all quite excited, for what I don't know. I looked up into the orange colored sky spotted with few clouds and smiled. We came upon a house right on the water with a large dark green yard and made our way to the door. As we walked inside, the house was dim and I was greeted by a female I didn't recognize, she clearly knew me as she said my name and hugged me tight. She then began to lead me to a very dark back hallway. I looked over my shoulder at my two friends, both of whom had disappointed half smiles on their faces.

I woke up, missing my friends.

Is this some sort of fucked up "Bros before hos" metaphor?

http://www.teamavamere.com/ME2/Audiences/dirmod.asp?sid=0B0B459A4EC84F6B8B02A7C7C5DD3BEE&type=gen&mod=Core+Pages&gid=1731CD7238BE4DB6A22F1AB10AA79D4C

http://209.196.57.108/ME2/Audiences/Default.asp?AudID=EEDB29380373455FA146F160035D6D7F

If anyone wants an autographed 8x10 please send your name and address along with $15 and a postmarked envelop to:
2841 SE 75th
PDX 97206

Another skit idea:

A slow panning shot of a supermarket. Two complete strangers, a man and a woman, looking at opposite sides of an aisle, the man's side containing only DRINKABLE items, the woman's side containing only EDIBLE items. As they scan each shelf, grabbing different items, the two slowly inch closer and closer to one another and finally meet by bumping into one another each having items spill on the ground. The Woman clumsily looks up and after a long awkward, shy, flirty pause says with a half smile 'Oh, I'm so sorry...hi...I'm Hungry' to which the man replies '...it's...nice to meet you...I'm...Thirsty'

Get it?

Fuck you.

hahahaha
While bored at work (again) I found myself reading random wikipedia entries and came accross this gem regarding former Blazer Center Arvydas Sabonis (Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arvydas_Sabonis ):

Altercations
-In 2001, Hunter was involved in an altercation with Portland Trail Blazers center Arvydas Sabonis. The two men were in an Orlando bar and things got heated. Hunter lost control and threw Sabonis through a window and snapped a pool cue on his left knee. Sabonis was put on the IR and Hunter was fined, but not suspended as Sabonis started the fight. While it's not exactly known what happened, speculation states that Sabonis called Hunter a "panzy ass queen".

SmarterChild: You don't know, huh?
AndrewBoehm: dont rape
SmarterChild: Don't tell me not to rape.

I forgot how much of a baller Hakeem was, check out how many 5 x 5's he had:
http://www.basketball-reference.com/friv/five_by_five.html
And look at that stat line from 1990...a quadruple double?!
Also while bored at work, I found out that Shawn Bradley had 6 triple doubles in his career, who knew the mormon could actually ball that well?

In other news, heres one more reason why I hate the south:
http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/09/20/race-and-the-spotlight-in-small-town-louisiana/index.html?hp

Some ignorant crackers hung nooses from trees and only got a small suspension? what the FUCK. Now the teenagers that gave one of them the ass kicking he deserved are all being charged with attempted murder...way to go Louisiana, congrats on your ass backwards pre-civil rights judgements, not to mention your shitty humid climate. Cheers to you and your fucking judicial system. Cheers to your small town racist fucks. Cheers to your state wide no-minimum wage. And cheers to your TERRIBLE education system. FUCK YOU LOUISIANA, you just made my day all the more shitty.
Kisses.
Bo

http://imdb.com/title/tt0315775/

Someone please watch this movie with me

Jermaine Jackson and Devo huh? SIIICK

Date:	2007-06-08 19:20
Subject:	i just about messed my pants when...
Security:	Public
Mood:	teeth
Music:	Matt Even Productions

I learned a valuable lesson about being incontinent today: Don't let it happen to you.

I sure hope the realization of finding out what I want to do for my career is 9000 times 'sweeter' than the feeling I get each time I realize nursing is, afterall, not for me. I've tried my hand at it among the lower ranks, and while I may be a bit pessimistic about the whole thing seeing how I havent seen much of the nursing world outside of assisted livings and rehabs, I still have to say 'fuck you' and look elsewhere. Sure sure, Andy Bo has proved his compassion for other human beings. And sure he's learned a lot of valuable lessons about life (and death) while working as a hospice CNA but the arms that do the labor that the heart bellows out hath been shat upon one too many times my friends.

I've accepted a new position at Signature Hospice which will require far less 'dirty work' as we say in the business, and far more responsibility. My official title will be 'Intake Coordinator' which means I'll be sitting in the office taking phone calls from doctors, nurses, med aids, etc. and intaking new hospice appropriate information. I'm looking forward to the change in scenery as well as the increase in pay. I'll be working 40 hours a week on a set schedule now, which I think is better for me than making up my schedule as I went along. I dont plan on staying at this position for any longer than a year at the most, and the president has made it abundantly clear that he wants to groom me for even greater endeavors. We'll see if that happens.

Outside of work, the life I lead is pretty simple. I eat. I sleep. I have sexual intercourse. I drink alcoholic beverages. I hang out with friends. It's truly the American Dream.

Also, Im in love. Which makes me giddy.

I have to go. My friends are in China and want me to eat mung babies.

Im going to make a website called Dykes with Dikes and it will be lesbians with wire cutters.

Bie,
Bo

Date:	2007-03-24 20:00
Subject:	Why I enjoy reading Bill Simmons:
Security:	Public
Mood:	thirsty
Music:	RJD2 - The Third Hand

Q: Wondering if you could settle an argument between me and my buddies? We were discussing how many sexual partners Jenny had in "Forrest Gump." Everyone seems to think the over/under should be set at 250. I argued that it's got to be at least 500. And that's conservative. Keep in mind she was a hippie, drug addict in the '60s the time of free love. She was naked on stage playing an acoustic guitar. She was molested by her father. I'm pretty sure she took down that whole Black Panther rally. Am I way off here? I'm not saying she's a bad person. But if a hot girl has sex with someone like Forrest, chances are she's got a bad case of the "Ben Stillers" -- i.e. she can't say "no." Now that I think about it, I'm saying a grand easy.
-- Keith, Hermosa Beach, Calif.

SG: All right, let's figure this out. According to Jenny's gravestone during the scene when Forrest says goodbye to her and it gets overwhelmingly dusty, she was born in 1945 and died in March of '82. We know that she went to an all-girls college in the mid-'60s (probably not a lot of sex at that point), that she got expelled for posing in Playboy, that she did the naked guitarist thing, and that she eventually became a traveling hippie in the late-'60s, leading to the scene where she spots Forrest speaking at the Washington Monument and runs across the water to see him. At this point, she's dating the guy from Berkeley who Forrest ends up punching in the face; you'd have to guess they'd been dating for a year or two, and the Free Love Era had just started ... so she couldn't have topped 25-30 partners at this point. We also know that she got knocked up by Forrest in the 1977-78 range, cooled things down and became a diner waitress to provide for her son over the next few years -- can't imagine a lot of sex happening for her from 1978 to 1981, and then we know that she moved back in with Forrest and their son Haley Joel Osment, married Forrest and died a few months later.

So Jenny's sexual prime happened from 1970 to 1978 and culminated in her turning into a coked-up disco queen and nearly jumping off a balcony. Even if she averaged 40-50 partners per year over that stretch -- which wouldn't have been a Chamberlain-esque pace by any standards -- there's no way you're getting to 500. Also, girls who sleep with hundreds and hundreds of guys inevitably start to look weathered and worn down. As my old Boston buddy Mark Fanning used to say, "You can usually look at a girl and SEE the number of guys she's slept with." That's why women don't last long in the porn industry; they're aging in dog years. So since Jenny looked relatively good even when she returned to Forrest's house in 1978, I'm putting the over/under at 220.5 and making a guess of 205 for her total number of partners.

(The bigger question: The movie implies that Jenny died of AIDS ... and yet, she died in March of 1982, nine months after the first recorded case of AIDS in the United States. So how did she get AIDS in the 1980-81 range if she was taking care of Haley Joel Osment and working in some random diner? Could that have been a bigger plot stretch? Or was she still throwing it around even as a single mom? On second thought, maybe we need to bump up that over/under.)

Date:	2007-02-26 21:50
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	ti
Music:	Everyday Struggle - B.I.G.

THE RULES:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better!
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Interviewed by unjust_trousers
1. What is your favorite pair of shoes out of all those you have ever had and why?

That's tough, but I'll go with my Nike ID dunks because I picked the color scheme myself and I wore the shit out of them. And when I think of those shoes, I think of my last year of college and all the fond memories that come with it.

2. What is your biggest achievement in life, or something you are the most proud of (outside of graduating from college or HS, if that would be your first answer)?

I'm most proud of and most dissapointed in the position I've put myself at the current time. I am working at a job that very few people I know could handle. It's giving me an amazing life experience, but at the same time draining my every emotion. At the end of the day I find myself completely unmotivated to pursue more from life, which is funny because one would assume that working with dying people would create the opposite effect.

3. Five all-time favorite songs that are not rap?
wow...tough question man...I'll answer quickly before I can change my mind:
PYT - Michael Jackson
Lets Groove Tonight - Earth Wind and Fire
Computer Love - Zapp and Roger
Michelle - The Beatles
Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix
Huey Lewis almost made the list

4. Five all-time favorite songs that are rap?
shoooooooot, rap...not hip hop though, rap and again, quickly:
Can't C Me - Tupac
G thang - Dr. Dre & Snoop Doggy Dogg
We Still Party - DJ Quik
H.I. Double L - E-40
Juicy - Notorious B.I.G

5. This waitress at the Blue Monk yesterday was pretty hot, do you think she has a boyfriend?
No, but shes got a kid, are you still interested?

6. BONUS QUESTION: What is your first memory of me, and honestly what did you think (I'm guessing it has to do with my rap cd...)?
First memory? boy, uh..."whos this dopey kid making terrible rap songs about super soakers??"

Date:	2007-02-20 18:04
Subject:	Hi Livejournal
Security:	Public
Mood:	bitchin
Music:	Skid Row

Remember me?
At first I felt bad for not contributing anything substantial to this journal for quite some time, then quickly realized I have never contributed anything substantial to this journal and felt a bit better about myself.
I feel at a loss of anything to say even as I type this right now. Everyone I really give a shit about already knows what I've been up to for the past few months, so I dont really know what brings me to you today.
For those who are unaware, I quit my job at Hospice a few weeks ago and have been doing odd things around town to scrounge up enough money to make due.
Remember when I was a mime at Jenna's circus party? No? well I was, and I've taken full advantage of the striped shirt and red hanky I stole from BJ's closet. I've been working various street corners as a mime during my lunch breaks at the part time job I picked up as a busboy at club 205. I've decided to go back to school. I'm going in a new direction though, dropping the health field altogether. Yesterday I filled out applications at Heald College and The Devry Institute. Daddy always wanted me to take over his banking business and since hes nearing 60 and still hasnt started his own bank, I figured I'd get to it and help the old dog out. In other news, I'M SELLING THE SCION!
thats right, fuck it. On Joe's advice, I've decided to sell my car back to the dealership and get a brand new GMC Sierra. I figure I can make up for the increase in gas costs by hauling a bunch of really cool shit around in the back of my truck! Which brings me to my next new purchase, this sick puppy http://www.aloop.com/Cust_images/dirtbike%20003.jpg
You guys are gay if you dont like it. Bro.

Byejournal.

remember when I said...

"...how about a skit about a guy who was actually raised in a barn and he keeps leaving doors open so people say "were you raised in a barn or something?" and he kindly replies "yes"..."

well...here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWFtzsMq4pk

Date:	2006-09-24 19:49
Subject:	more of the terrible...
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	'celebration' - kanye

how about a skit with a color blind guy who works for the bomb squad stuck in dire straights as to which wire to cut...
"cut the red wire!"
"Which ones the red wire!!!!!!!!!!"